I’m tired but I am happy. Not happy but not depressed. Who knows how long it will last. So odd, how I can be on the verge of tears for days and now I am happy, nothing bothers me, and want to see how life will pan out.
Please, leave me alone sadness. I don’t want you around anymore.
But it will be back. It always comes back.
But what if it doesn’t? What if I am free of the pain, free from the weight of 5,000 lives. God, that will be so nice. I want to enjoy life. Really ENJOY it.
Please leave me alone, sadness.
It will be back, like always. Just give me a little time like this. Please?
I think I found a webpage to help me. Heck, it’s a start. I need help.
There were 15 different symptoms of PTSD from the Mayo Clinic. I said YES to 13 of them. THIRTEEN! My life is a total mess. I was very low about 6 months ago. I’ve gotten better since then but no way to being fixed.
Soon. I hope.
I feel guilty.
Watching the pre-race events and they had a story of an Army Specialist that didn’t make it home alive. I am a Marine that never got shot at. I never shot my rifle in anger. I am a Vet by definition but dang, I didn’t earn it like others have. I can say all the time I was still a cog in the military machine but I still have that feeling.
Feeling of not being enough.